Reminiscing

Every now and then, I login to this and read every post and look at my favorite blogs. Looks like everyone has stopped posting. Alot of things have changed over the years and some people aren't here anymore. I like to go read Joey's blog. Greg probably would been a blogger. Wish I could make a habit out of blogging.

The world is definitely going straight to hell

Everybody is brain washed. People are dumb, in general. Amazing to me how different things have become in the past 40 yrs. Guns, health, race, you name it, everybody has a problem with something, expecting hand-outs, expecting the "govment" to fix everything. I don't ever want anything from the government. I want my rights; gun rights, speech rights, ALL my rights.
The media posting about the girl standing on a toilet got me stirred up on this. The mother posts on social media, this picture with a long post, talking about her 3 year old daughter learning to keep quiet on a toilet in a bathroom stall as part of a drill at preschool. PRESCHOOL. It's absurd, yes. But the mother talking about there should be smart technology for safer guns is just insane. Safer guns? Gun control? Not the answer. What is a safe gun? One that doesn't shoot? Keep innocent law abiding citizens from getting guns, legally?  So the criminals can get them still? Stupid.
There are so many things wrong in the world today. It would take only a miracle to change it.
The government brainwashes society into exactly what they want people to be. All these drug commercials telling you to "ask your doctor" was started to get people medicated on drugs that really cause more problems. They don't want us healthy. I think it's the governments way of making us all too sick to defend ourselves.
If you really think about all of these things that have played out in the past 20, 30, 50 years,  you'll start realizing the truth of it all. It's really scary to think they have this much control over our lives but everybody is just too stupid to see it. They feed us crap on TV  (I don't have cable and will never subscribe even if it was free probably) to plant seeds and make us conform to their liking.
The reality of martial law could so happen and nobody would see it coming.
This world needs a savior. His name is Jesus Christ,  MY savior. My God in heaven is desperately needed but nobody wants to trust in Him anymore.  It's almost like He's old news and they all think His old fashioned ways are out dated. However, He's the only miracle that would change things. Sad that He's seen as not good enough anymore by so many.

On to the next daily lesson. DON'T LET YOUR FOOD CRUNCH IN YOUR MOUTH. God forbid make tacos with hard shells and actually have to chew them up in order to swallow. Maybe I'll learn how to make tasty puree from now on for supper. This bitch boat is about to sink. I'm gonna stop trying, stop giving a flip. Just gonna sit here and exist a while. No comments needed. Just want to vent. Thanks.

MY Thoughts

Lesson today: my thoughts are simply that...MY thoughts. Nobody else cares to hear them. My ideas about what I should do with my life are obviously just my ideas. Talk of going back to school for nursing sounds absurd for some unknown reason. I shouldn't think about nursing school or applying for jobs online or anything else other than taking my little happy self into buildings all over town to apply in person for any job other than retail or doctors offices. Retail isn't good enough for me and doctors offices must be out of my capability. Maybe I should find out how to apply for dressing corpses or cutting someone's hair. Maybe I just need someone else to be me until the job is found so I don't look for it incorrectly or screw up the interview. I'm not already stressed enough with the thought of not having work. Pile more crap on that plate please, and while you're at it, pour me a tall glass of toilet water to wash it down with. Thanks.

blah blah blah

Having a very emotional roller coaster of feelings lately...uncertainty, hope, fear, excitement, dread. Some days I get up ready to take on whatever life has to offer and other days I want to roll back over and go back to sleep, hoping I'm only dreaming. I want to know what's going on, that there will be structure. The thought of change is so very scary for me. I don't like having to depend on someone else. I want security. Not knowing my financial future really bothers me. Not only emotionally, but I think it's physically attacking me. All these health related problems popping up out of nowhere lately, it seems my subconscious mind knew before I heard the words for myself. Job hunting is so draining, taking the time to search, the process of filling out applications, answering questionnaires, taking tests, watching videos. Sometimes the process for applying for a single job takes a couple of hours. Other times it's as simple as uploading my resume to the site. I just want to find something soon. I also want these feelings to go away. God help me.

Childless Woman

From time to time, I get really down about alot of different things; one being that I never had the chance to mother a child.
Tonight is one of those times. I don't know why I feel the way I do, it just happens.
Considering that birth control was never an option for myself due to the health risks that came with them,  it's almost unreal that a pregnancy never occurred.  ALMOST.
I have come to the conclusion that the only explanation is the usage of the seizure medications I had to ingest for the first fifteen years of my life.

Even though I tell people that I don't want children,  can't stand them,  would be a bad mother,  it's a lie.  That is just the only way I've ever been able to deal with the fact that I never had any.  Maybe if I tell others those lies,  I may begin to believe them myself. Only a handful of people really know the pain I have from being childless.  I use to pray about it and after years of that,  I decided that it was not God's will for me to be a mother.  I hurt oftentimes, when I hear of other women finding out the wonderful news or see new mothers with their infants but more so when I see babies born to women that have no appreciation of the life that they've carried around in their bodies all that time to only birth them and not take care of them or pawn them off on a grandparent because they probably only wanted the tax break in the first place.
I will never understand why I never received the gift of motherhood in this life.
 I can only hope that before it gets too late,  it will happen. It is not unheard of for a woman to become pregnant in her 40s or 50s.
Until then,  I will love my four-legged "fur babies" as my children and treat them that way.
God Bless and goodnight!

DISHed out!

I got to see Angel today. She stopped by to see me a while. We never see each other anymore.
I waited all day on DIsH Network to come install and the never showed up so I called and they said the only appointment I had was the 22nd. I called yesterday and talked to 2 women. They set the appointment for today but never entered it. SO, I got ugly with the lady. She said we can reschedule and I told her she had lost her mind; I want to cancel. She asked me to hold on and I said HOLD ON FOR WHAT? I've been holding for over a week. She said so we can get the order changed so you won't be billed. I said BILLED FOR WHAT? FOR WAITING ON SOMETHING THAT NEVER HAPPENED? I'm not holding on, you can do what you need to do without me on the phone so Have a nice day! and I hung up on her. That really made me angry. Last weekend, a technician pulled into the driveway at 8 AM, sat there for a few minutes and left. He never came back. I never heard from anyone so I called them Friday. Boy, they have communication issues. Glad I'm stuck with DirecTV afterall.